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Rakeville Times Sports Page
By STAFF / Rakeville Times
With London Bridge On His Back
By Aviator McShadeless
Four days after a heartbreaking loss to the league leading Golden Gryphons, things were bleak in Rivertown. Despite standout performances from Vernon Wells, Rakeville’s first half MVP, and Nomar Garciaparra, who contributed nine runs and a .407 batting average, the Rockets fell 6-3.
Troy O’Leary couldn’t count the team’s problems with one hand. The team’s pitching staff was imploding, Barry Bonds was flirting with the disabled list, Juan Pierre mired in a slump, Miguel Cabrera was being avoided like the plague and Michael Young hadn’t hit a home run in recent memory.
“Things were low in the clubhouse,” said O’Leary. “No one had the spark. No one liked my shoes.”
Enter Marcus Thames. The 6’2” 220-pound outfielder’s arrival in Rakeville on June 8 slipped under the radar as most focused on the departure of the man he replaced, 1st round pick Bruce Chen.
With Bonds day-to-day, O’Leary threw Thames into the lineup that night. Marcus responded with a two-run homerun. Two games later, another.
Like Felipe Lopez in 2005, Thames was an incredible spark for the Rockets. With the power flowing from his bat, Nomar and catcher Joe Mauer were free to post sky-high batting averages. The pressure was off Vernon Wells and David Ortiz to put up inconceivable production numbers and, most importantly, it gave aging slugger Barry Bonds a chance to find his form again.
Thames has had a hit in 10 of his last 20 games, with five homeruns and 15 RBI's. He has solidified the Rocket’s outfield, combing with Wells and Andruw Jones to make one of the most powerful trios in the EHCC. Above all, he brings a care-free attitude to the ballpark everyday, the mark of a long and frustrating minor league career that finally paid off.
The Curse Continues
By Hernandez Firstname
Short-time Rocket and indisputably cursed Alex Rios was admitted to a Las Vegas hospital with a mysterious infection in his leg. There has been no announcement from the Doggs or the hospital.
Rockets reliever Eddie Guardado became very vocal after Rakeville’s win over Bridgewater, complaining he was not getting enough Doritos and that the team should provide more. When asked about the Doritos scandal, Manager Troy O’Leary indicated he would be more likely to receive a pink slip from the team before he got a tasty snack.
If the Rockets do cut the overweight closer, it would open up a roster spot for A.J. Burnett, who is still on Rakeville’s disabled list despite being in seemingly good health.
Nomar Garciaparra and Joe Mauer may have some company as they chase league batting titles from the top of Rakeville’s lineup. While early season struggles had forced speedster Juan Pierre to the bench, in the last two weeks the outfielder has raised his average 15 points with six multi-hit games in the span.
Signed the same day as Marcus Thames, Ricky Nolasco has impressed fans and pitching coach Justin Fuller, who fought to keep the rookie with the team. In four starts, Nolasco is 2-2 with a 3.21 ERA and 18 strikeouts.
“He has been key to stabilizing the rotation,” said Fuller. “We had Oswalt and Burnett injured and a few other guys struggling, yet he had the poise to step in make some noise.”
Men Bring Home Gold
Seven Rakeville natives brought home gold at the 32nd Annual Polo Championships. While none were playing, they did attend the celebratory dinner and took most of the silverware from four tables … Read more
Refreshing Sponsorships
Coca-cola is donating $200,000 to help start up a youth soccer program in Rakeville. The announcement came after several children visiting the Coca-cola plant played a pathetic game of Kick the Can. “We can’t have them kicking like sissies,” said Max Amillion … Read more
The Rakeville Times Sports Page is written by a group of monks that live in the hills to the East of Rakeville.
