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Rakeville Times Sports Page
By STAFF / Rakeville Times
The First Win is the Sweetest
By Hernandez Firstname
It was far from impressive, but the Rakeville Rockets won their first game of the season, beating the Tijuana Hispanics 6-3-1.
Rakeville had an 8-2 lead heading into the final inning, where starters Bronson Arroyo and Ian Snell got shelled by Morgan Ensberg and company. The team subsequently lost ERA, compounded by an incredible 17 strikeout performance by the Hispanics John Patterson.
“There were a lot of little improvements this week,” said Troy O’Leary, team manager. “Chase [Utley] started hitting again, our front line pitchers are throwing well and I haven’t been fired yet.”
While Utley did make up for his poor start with nine RBIs in three games, it wasn’t enough to lift the Rockets past the Hispanics in the category.
“I found my chi,” said Utley, a known hippie. “The Mexican people are my friends. We share many common traits. I love the color blue.”
Many of the offensive players have found their groove. Vernon Wells continued his hot start, batting .458 this week with 3 home runs. David Ortiz and Andruw Jones are also hitting the ball well. Their combine performances helped secure four categories this week.
Pitching proved to be their weak point this week, as the Rockets bullpen continues to struggle. Only two of the fives saves they earned looked pretty. As Eddie Guardado and Jason Isringhausen struggle to be consistent, the clock is ticking on Fernando Rodney’s job.
“We can only hope Fernando has pitched well enough to be kept in the closing role,” said O’Leary. Rodney has been perfect, converting three save opportunities while regular closer Todd Jones is injured. “He has shown he can get it done. I can only hope Jones stays injured.”
The loss of Rodney, coupled with the release of Jose Capellan, will leave the Rockets pen with a skeleton crew heading into Bizton this week. The Markies are 1-1, but only have Bob Wickman to counter, giving Pitching Coach Justin Fuller and GM Rich Garces a week to retool for a big matchup with Las Vegas.
Why Can’t We Have Logjams?
By Aviator McShadeless
Are they panicking yet? That’s what I asked myself Saturday following another 0’fer performance from Mr. Barry Bonds. I got my answer later in the day when Rich Garces announce the signing of cursed outfielder Alex Rios.
So this is what is comes down to? The greatest hitter in baseball is playing so poorly that Rockets management has brought in a career platoon player to take some of his at bats.
“Rios has proven he can play in the big leagues over the first two weeks of the season, so we decided to give him a shot,” said Garces.
Fantastic. I feel confident now, despite the fact that he can’t hit against righties. We have Chase Utley Jr. Just in case you were wondering, David Wright is batting well over .400 with 13 RBIs, and he CAN hit righties.
On to better news, headlined by Josh Beckett’s incredible week. As some wondered if he could handle pitching in the AL, he responded with 2 wins and a 1.29 whip against Tijuana. One also has to wonder if Beckett’s start is affecting Mark Prior’s recovery.
Beckett is one of four veteran aces that put up big numbers for the Rockets last week, while the rest of the staff seemed to hit a speed bump. Troy O’Leary already said he won’t skip any starters this week, which is a blessing and a curse. It will give guys like Ian Snell a chance to turn it around, but it also means we have to watch the gut wrenching game when he fails to do it.
A.J. Burnett has been activated off the disabled list, and is expected to start this week in Bizton. While his elbow is a concern, fans should be more worried about his ears. Burnett hates rap music, which is constantly played on the Markies loudspeakers in between innings.
I reported last week that Jose Capellan was on the cutting block, and it looks like he is gone. The young hurler said he was sad to go, but was optimistic about his chances of signing with another club. I don’t hold the same sentiments.
Lost in the power and disappointment of the Rakeville lineup, Michael Young and Joe Mauer have been putting up some subtle numbers. Both are batting above .300 with a stolen base and a slew of RBIs.
“I just come to work,” said Mauer. “I am nothing compared to some of these sluggers. They are the best in the game.”
Mauer’s low-profile take on the season may seem like he is being modest, but he is far from it. After he stole a base earlier in the week, he sent a card to the Rockets resident speedster Juan Pierre, calling him an old lady and mocking his speed. Days later, Pierre had stolen four bases. No word on whether he will return the favor.
Ask Vernon Wells
Q: What do you do to get ready for a game? – Becky C.
A: I stare at a picture of Ryan Dempster for seventeen minutes.
Q: Do you ever get sick of all the people who ask for your autograph? – Luis Q.
A: Sometimes. But when I feel like I can’t sign another stadium program, I look to Jesus and ask myself, did Jesus have felt-tipped pens? The ongoing conversation in my mind kills the monotony.
Q: Do you like girl scout cookies? – Jody S.
A: No. They make me fat.
Q: When are you going to have you wife come to the ballpark? - Shannon W.
A: My wife is stuck in Canada. We couldn’t get her a visa so she could live in Rakeville. We do the best we can and she comes to all the Quebec City games, but I doubt you’ll see her at Reed Field in the near future.
Q: How do you think you will do this year? - Ascott J.
A: Better than Felix Pie.
*If you have questions for Michael Young, please email them to ask@rakevilletimes.com.
Chano High Loses Seventh Straight Game
After the third wild pitch, Coach Gus Ramstin pulled his ace pitcher. Ace is a relative term for the Chano baseball team, meaning only pitcher with an actual strikeout … Read more
Weightlifter Lifts Car
Rakeville weightlifter, Argos McIntyre, won another regional completion on his quest to become the strongest man. In the final challenge, contestants were asked to lift a car over their heads with the help of a camel and three water bottles … Read more
The Rakeville Times Sports Staff was delayed this week due to rumors of Nomar Garciaparra's activation from the disabled list. No word yet as to what position he will play in the Rockets' lineup.
