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Rakeville Times Sports Page
By STAFF / Rakeville Times
Adding to the Rotation
By Aviator McShadeless
The Rockets’ Minor League Director Rusty Greer announced that top pitching prospect Felix Hernandez would be added to the club’s 20-man roster.
The move was expected after Hernandez put up big numbers in Stackerville during the last half of the season. He now joins Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, Miguel Cabrera and Joe Mauer as the only players officially named.
“He has been ready for a while,” said Greer. “We were tempted to bring him up during our championship push last season. He pitches with more experience and poise than many of his peers.”
Felix had been preparing for an off-season call-up, so when word came down he wasn’t that surprised.
“They told me to be ready for anything,” said Hernandez. “I half expected them to trade me when I heard that, but Pedro talked me down.”
The young phenom has been training with the Rocket superstar since October. The two have formed quite a bond in the short time they have been together – something that pleased Manager Troy O’Leary.
“Combining that sort of talent would make one hell of a ball player,” said O’Leary. “It would be tough to find a uniform that would fit though. Shoes. What about the Shoes?”
In other news, Felipe Lopez purchased a 3.5 million dollar home in west Jenks, though in his first season he only made $500,000.
“That is for my accountant to deal with,” said Lopez, who hopes to land a lucrative endorsement deal with Killian’s if their bid to become the team’s official beer goes through.
Across the city, folks lined up for two blocks to get an autograph copy of Juan Pierre’s book entitled, ‘I’m faster than you.’ In it is a list of all the people he is faster than, including all the Supreme Court Justices.
“I know they are getting some young ones now,” said Pierre in his book about the justices, “but I still could take them. Heck, we could do a relay race and all 20 of them could participate. I would still win.”
Jack Reed Travel Journal: Yemen
By Jack Reed, Rakeville Rockets Director of Baseball Operations
I got word by carrier pigeon that Theo [Epstein] had returned to his former team in some obscure league. While it was upsetting to learn my appointed leader had left us, I was more worried about the sand beetles nipping at my ankles.
Out in the bleak landscape of inner Yemen, I found a group of teenagers playing a sport very similar to baseball. Some folks in Sanaa, the country’s capital, said these were the best athletes in the country, so I rented a camel and trekked 85 miles toward the Saudi Arabian border.
The sport is called Weesma. Players throw rubber balls around, hitting them with camel legs, then run an obstacle course.
I reached their secluded village just before nightfall and the group was finishing up a game. I called them over so I could introduce myself and let them explain the rules to me.
“Hello Jack Reed,” said one of the ball players, in perfect English. “We are glad you could make it. We have something to show you.”
The group continued playing until one player lost. Defeated, the player fell to the ground while his buddies cut off his limbs with machetes.
“What are you doing?” I cried. “Why are you killing that man?”
“He lost Mr. Reed.”
“So? Why kill him?”
No one knew and the slaughter continued. Here in the middle of nowhere, the sand was red.
Rakeville High School Baseball
Preseason Power Rankings
1. Ingersoll High
2. Norton High
3. Stackpole High
4. Woonsocket Regional
5. Central Technical
With seven returning starters and Ace Tom Dumairs, Ingersoll is poised for a return to the City finals… Read more
Blackstone Tech Tops Stackpole
Senior Forward Alicia King fouled out with three minutes left, leaving a void in Stackpole High School’s front court… Read more
The Rakeville Times Sports Staff all met at a Counting Crows concert in 1997, though none of them like their music.
