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Rakeville Times Sports Page
By STAFF / Rakeville Times
Where’s The Beef?
By Aviator McShadeless
With the final touches being put on Reed Field, the Rockets new baseball stadium downtown, workers are concerned their won’t be any food for the fans.
In May, team officials signed non-exclusive concession contracts with Wendy’s, McDonalds, Burger King and Taco Bell. All were given one shop front on the field’s promenade, but as of yesterday, the final locations have yet to be determined.
"There is a lot of though put into concession placement," said Leo Johnson, Reed Field manager. “It has basically come down to all of them fighting over two spots, one behind home plate, and the other behind the bleachers and bullpen.”
Johnson said each location has its pluses. The outfield stand will receive national exposure, while the home plate front is the focal point for high sales.
"Don't be fooled by all my money, I just want to eat Tacos hunny," said Jennifer Lopez, who will have no part in the negotiations.
Jack Reed Travel Journal: Iran
By Jack Reed, Rakeville Rockets Director of Baseball Operations
In the industrial city of Tabriz, there is a small baseball diamond surrounded by trash. Alab al Habree calls this diamond home.
We arrived just before 4 p.m. Alab had already cleared off the mound, kicking newspapers aside so he could toe the universal rubber. His friend squatted behind home plate with no equipment and a monkey as his mitt.
I gave the young man a chance to warm up, then pulled out my battery powered radar gun and took aim.
His first pitch blazed in at 82 mph. The second dropped to 79 mph. Even more disappointing, the third’s speed dropped to 67mph, so soft the monkey didn’t squeal.
"I'm sorry son," I said through an interpreter. "You just don't have the arm for it." Disappointment flooded his eyes.
"What if I tell you where the bombs are?" he pleaded. “Will you take me to be a baseball player.”
”The bombs?"
”Yes. My dad has the exact location of every nuclear plant in Iran. You could be a hero to the infidels.”
”True. But it wouldn’t win me a championship, son."
He began to sob, but I have broken a lot of hearts on this trip. I ditched my interpreter at a canoe store and went right to the airport.
Ingersoll Hoops Loses Second In A Row To Norton
It is only the third lose this season for the Ingersoll High School boys hoops team, but second to the defending City champs… Read more
Bowler Bowls A Strike
He only has one leg and four fingers, but John O'Powell had just enough to bowl a strike during a… Read more
The Rakeville Times Sports Staff are more popular in Rakeville than Michael Moore at an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet.
