| Feature News |
Cautious Rakeville Fans Drink
Rockets are on top of the world... for now.
By Aviator McShadeless / Rakeville Times
It has been over three years since the Rockets have been on top of the standings, but unlike Las Vegas, General Manager Jack Reed won’t publicly boast that he plans on staying there for while.
“We could lose this week against Weymouth easily,” said Reed. “Whoever gets hot will take it. We will just have to rest our pitchers and come out firing.”
With only four days to play the pivotal division matchup, Rakeville fans are hesitant to celebrate.
“We bought beer to drink,” said Ken Wasser, a Rakeville resident sitting on his stoop. “It was delicious at first, but then it got warm. Sully figured we should buy a cooler so he went to go get one.”
Rocket Nation is showing their support in other ways, sporting team colors at home and at work.
According to the owner of Men’s Warehouse, “Every man should own a suit.”
In other local sports, Natick Reign slugger Orlando Claffey, who has 19 homeruns this season and 85 percent of the team’s RBI’s, is last in team all-star voting.
“I don’t know if my teammates are just voting for themselves a lot, or if the rest of the league doesn’t want me at the game because I am the best hitter in the league,” said Claffey, who is expected to attend the homerun derby despite not being an All-star. “I am leading the league in homeruns. I’m going to show those fuckers what’s up.”
Representing the Reign will be their two pitchers, one who is hitting below .200. Claffey, on the other hand, is hitting over .500. By the way, it is slow-pitch wiffleball.
Aviator McShadeless is a reporter for the Rakeville Times. There's a rumor going around that he is actually Natick OF David Morse, but wouldn't speculate because he went 1-5 that night.
