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Vegas Arms
The truth about Las Vegas' pitching staff
By Michael Upshaw / San Diego Chronicle
As a little Mexican baby, Oliver Perez loved soccer. He would kick the ball all around his dirty little Mexican village during the day, and kick it around his dirty little Mexican cottage at night. He would sleep with his ball under his arm, and shower with it under his feet. Love can be fatal. In this case, it wasn’t, but it still hurt.
On June 28th, the 23-year old Las Vegas starting pitcher was placed on the 15-day DL with a broken big left toe. Reports say that he kicked a laundry cart after a tough outing, but inside sources have revealed the truth.
Deception.
According to the sources, Perez took a trip down to Guatemala to play in a charity soccer match with good friend and Tijuana SP Carlos Silva. Perez, who was between starts for the Doggs, was on a breakaway when the goalie sprinted out and challenged him. The goalie slid at his feet, knocking Perez to the ground and breaking his toe.
“I was not aware of any charity soccer game,” said Vegas GM Howe Dogg in a phone interview this afternoon. “I did personally see him kick the laundry cart, and I’m very upset about it. This is news to my ears, and I will certainly send someone to investigate these claims.”
Reports out of Las Vegas were that the team planned on adding 23-year old Ian Snell to their rotation, but they never got the chance. Due to a prior event involving SP Scott Olsen, Rakeville decided to snatch Snell out from under the Doggs’ nose.
“Snell,” said Rakeville GM Jack Reed.
Looking for instant relief, and a young prospect that will be help for years to come, Vegas then looked to lefty Zach Duke. But once again, they missed out, as Duke was claimed by Tokyo this morning.
Duke, who turned 22 this past April, had tremendous success in the MLB before being claimed in the EHCC. In two starts, he is 1-0 with 17 strikeouts and a 1.93 ERA. Tokyo has a trend of picking up players for the future, but Duke plans to be an instant boost to their staff.So where does that leave Las Vegas? They’ve recently made trades to acquire 2B Marcus Giles, utility man Brandon Inge, and RP Justin Duchscherer, but have done nothing to fix their starting pitching. Currently featuring a 6-man rotation that includes Noah Lowry and Aaron Harang, Vegas has been effortlessly trying to acquire another starter.
“We just need to find a pitcher that fits this club well enough," said Dogg.
Hopefully, their next addition isn’t Mexican.
Michael Upshaw is a reporter for the San Diego Chronicle. When he laughs, milk comes out of his nose.
